I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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