she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
