So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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