guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize