I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
