dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
