Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
