i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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