they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
