You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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