my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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