We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
