Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize