I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
