I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
