is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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