I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
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Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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