'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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