U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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