I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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