i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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