Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize