I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
