ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think my fart just growled at me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
