I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
