Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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