my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
