So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
