i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
