Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
