drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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