Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
