im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
