Cold hands, warm shart.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
