last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
