this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
