I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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