That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We're too hungover to prance.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
