So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
