in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
