Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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