Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
