I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
