Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
