Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm too high and old for this...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
