Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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