I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
