Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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