nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
