in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
