At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
