im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
