I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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