I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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