you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
