so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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