I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
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I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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