i jhust puked up my retainher.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
