I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
