yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
