Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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