Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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