This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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