I need help removing her.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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