Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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