no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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