it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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