at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
