I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
