It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
