I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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