I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
