She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
