I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
